Democracy! Ain't that a bitch! Hamas wins by a landslide!

Whoaaaa! I LOVE freedom and democracy. Canada screws itself with a Tory government and the next day Palestinians elect HAMAS with a parliamentary majority!

And what's the first thing that the Americans say? They won't deal with Hamas. Umm...sorry people, you deal with whomever runs the country. Just because you don't like the election results doesn't mean that you can disregard the declaration of a people. Politicians make me SO SICK. I can't handle them this week.

I agree with Amr Moussa of the Arab League:

But the head of the Arab League, Amr Moussa, warned the US not to demonstrate double standards.

"The US can't promote democracy but then reject the results of this democracy." he said.

Source: BBC News.

Well said Mr. Moussa. No, you cannot promote democracy and then reject the results when they suit you. I, after all, must live with a government of homophobes - and where there's homophobia there are other hatreds lurking in the dark. But I digress.

In other news, Palestinians are idiots:

Hamas supporters raised their flag over the Palestinian parliament and rushed into the building amid clashes with Fatah loyalists a day after winning parliamentary elections.

Source: Yahoo/AP.

Yeah, go ahead and loot your own neighbourhood (coughLAriotscough). I hate it when people fighting for respect turn around and fight amongst themselves. Just hold it together for a minute, 'kay?

So..a few days ago, that crook Olmert said:

"In order to ensure the existence of a Jewish national home, we will not be able to continue ruling over the territories in which the majority of the Palestinian population lives," he said.

However, Mr Olmert said that Israel would keep security zones, the main settlement blocs, and places important to the Jewish people, such as Jerusalem.

"There can be no Jewish state without Jerusalem under Israeli sovereignty," he said.

He also hinted that Israel would act alone to set a border in the West Bank if talks failed.

Source: BBC News.

Pigga please! You have to compromise. Honestly, people are making me so sick. "We are preserving Jerusalem for Jews." or "God hates evil doers and loves Christians" or "Allah shall reward us for our loyalty" or whatever. Your religions are myths that you choose to believe. Nothing more, nothing less. Just stop it. Stop. If you want to believe it, fine, but stop imposing this nonsense on the world. My eyes couldn't possibly roll further back into my head than they already are.

When people threaten to act unilaterally, how can they complain when it creates more conflict? It's like those people who treat others badly and then get upset when no one wants to hang with them. You're a total ass! Who would want to be around you?

Anyway, this week I really don't intend to make intelligent sounding comments about all this. These people don't deserve my time or energy beyond raw emotion. I suspect this will continue into next week as the you know what continues to spill out of their mouths unstemmed.

I hate stinking Canadians and their stinking Tory government

Ok, yeah, I still haven't been updating regularly, but I have my reasons:

1) I had to do the data analysis for my thesis
2) my friend's dad died and I really needed to help her deal with a completely insurmountable situation

So, that's why I have been MIA on all fronts - from school, blog, friends, Internet in general. I will, however, be TAing on Friday morning, so conference attendees - be ready!

So...I've broken my moratorium on posting to comment upon the recent elections.

How happy I am that the Liberals are not in office. Serves you right! Kiss our collective asses, suckas!

How sad I am that the REFORM PARTY has taken control (albeit limited) of government. Yeah, you heard me, I said REFORM! Those aren't the old Progressive Conservatives in power, that is the Reform Party in power. Yes, Reform. Yes, Preston Manning Reform. I even heard old Preston on the radio talking about how he recruited Stephen Harper out of grad school in Alberta. Uh huh. Stephen Harper IS NOT representative of Canadians.

Allow me to spread around the blame.
1) Screw you Alberta. YEAH! You heard right! SCREW YOU! What the hell is that? Giving ALL your seats to ONE PARTY? Do you really have such monolithic interests? Well, do you? Are you just a bunch of homophobic, pro-corporate, environment destroying, anti-compassion jerks? This can't be true. I've been to Alberta and the people were nice. You know, Albertans, you are screwing yourselves with your conservative governments. They are the ones who will increase the sale of your farms to agrobusiness jerks. They are the ones who will ship all your natural resources south of the border without compensating the people of Alberta. Business interests will own Alberta's resources and you'll get NOTHING! Will I feel bad? Only for the 34% of people who didn't vote Conservative. That's another thing. 65% of Albertans filled 100% of Alberta's seats in the House of Commons.

2) Screw you QUEBEC! Who the hell voted Tory in Quebec and for what???? Let's get specific: Louis-St-Laurent, Pontiac, Beauce, Beauport-Limoilou, Charlesbourg-Haute-St-Charles, Jonquière-Alma, Lévis-Bellechasse, Lotbinière-Chutes-de-la-Chaudière, Louis-Hébert, Mégantic-L'Érable. All of you can collectively kiss my ass. You didn't even vote out Liberals and replace them with Conservatives. You voted out the BLOC QUEBECOIS!!! WHY???? I mean, I'm no huge fan of the Bloc, but the Bloc and the Conservatives stand for completely separate sets of values!! How the hell do you go from nationalist socialists to freaking neocons? YOU ARE HUGE VALUELESS IDIOTS. Anyway, maybe that's your goal. A Conservative government will most certainly create the "winning conditions" Quebec needs to separate. And you know what, THIS TIME I'M VOTING YES. You wanted a country, YOU GOT IT! Then let's see what happens! At least we offload the monolith that is Alberta. Freaking hell man!

3) Screw you Prairies in general. Yeah, some of you voted NDP and that's a marginally good thing. But, collectively you added to the Tory minority, so, although I love Saskatoon, SK, as a group you can STEP OFF!

4) Yeah, you too BC. You voted in quite a few Tories. Stop smoking so much pot. You DO realize that the Tories will take your precious, precious weed away from you. And, good. That's the only issue on which the Tories and I agree. I'm too tired right now to tell you off properly, but I promise to do it later.

Anyway, I'm pissed off. Not that the other parties were anyone to vote for. All parties suck! I'm sick of this system and I think we should just dismantle it. Politicians are party members and in the end they work for the benefit of themselves first and their party second. After you factor in family and friends, we're far down the list. I suppose I'll post a legitimate analysis about the minority Tory government later on, but right now, I really want a few groups of people to KISS MY ASS.

Laurelle

Pigga Please!

Lord! There is no end to the double speak that we must endure!!!

• Yes. New Orleans mayor Nagin should take back what he said. Norlans ain't no chocolate city! And God ain't punishing nobody on American soil - only foreigners feel God's wrath!
• "The US clearly values innocent life" HAHAHAHA. Good one. Pakistan: you knew you weren't really in with them, right?
  
• Yes, Bolivia's "neighbours" *coughUSAcough* will determine the success of Evo Morales presidency. NO ONE will try to interfere in Bolivia's domestic relations.
• I'm no fan of Iran, but Tony Blair is an ass. So there.
• Cheney, King Abdullah and Hosni Mubarak. Three old pals get together for a drink, plan the destruction of both Syria and Lebanon. US Foreign aid? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Frye?
• A Tory majority would not have absolute power? Bridge. Brooklyn. Yeah. If that's the case, then vive le Quebec libre.
• Nigger chilluns shouldn't go to white schools!

Pigga Please!!

Charestop!

You've got to love a union ballsy enough to run billboards denouncing the politicians whom they hate.

Jean Charest is the premier of Quebec. I firmly believe that he resents Quebecers for forcing him from federal to provincial politics. Yeah, he has a budget to balance. Yeah, sometimes unions - CSN in particular - have too strong a sense of self-entitlement. Yeah - I'm sick of both these parties. Doesn't take away from the brilliance of the attitude of this sign.


Use the media against the politicians...there are a couple of billboards I'd like to take out myself!

Pigga Please!

It's amazing how stupid politicians think we are.

• Dubya is correct. The American economy is doing just fine. And the US dollar is a GREAT thing.
• And bird flu is a serious threat. It's not just a priority because Rumsfeld has shares in Tamiflu.
  
• Nooooo. There was no plan to invade Iran pre-911.
• Yeeees. They correctly vilified Ahmadinejad. I mean to suggest that Europe Jews for the holocaust and not Palestinians is so anti-semitic.
  
• And Iran is definitely a serious nuclear threat.
  
• Chavez does not have the poor's interests in mind. I mean, he definitely didn't offer cheap heating to America's poor.

Pigga Please!

Americans LOVE to have their butts probed

There's nothing I love more than to see political angst in unusual places. I love it when people erupt, when they just can't hold it in anymore because the bull is so thick that they can no longer breathe, so it suddenly bursts out into the strangest places.

Recently, the Guitar God from the Holy Land and I were discussing "gear". Yup. That's who I am. I buy expensive makeup, I rail about politics and I actually get interested in discussions of "gear" and "equipment". You know...things....stuff...

So, GG and I wound up talking about the importance of "tubes". Which led us to the website of an apparently talented gearmeister who fully understands the importance of tubes, much like I understand the importance of NARS.

Ummm...the information on this site is...instructive. It started out as quite the colourful discussion about tubes:

You're a GUITARIST, aren't you? Then you must really enjoy your anus-stretching exercises. And now, for the perfect gift for ALL you butt-guitarists: introducing the ultimate anus stretching appliance.

The Metasonix TX-2 is entirely made of vacuum tubes. To be specific, three type 4BN6 beam modulator devices. They were intended for use in crummy TV sets as FM detectors, and were NOT meant for audio applications. (Yes, another crap TV tube.)

Only METASONIX knows how to apply these strange devices to audio processing. We know how to ream you guitar-sucking buttboys out, real good.

Calm down. Don't panic. Yes. Yes. I see it too. No, your collective sensibilities do not fail you. Your fantasies have not invaded your realities. You do, in fact, see multiple references to the human posterior in that "technical description." Please click this link and read the whole thing...for the best is yet to come.

As one scrolls down, one notices a distinct change in subject matter. One senses somewhat of a segue from one realm into the other...a correlation is noted and, well:

We feel that the TX-2 BUTTPROBE is far more extreme than the famed Sherman Filterbank, and far more tube-freaky than your mother's enema kit. Face it, butt-probing is a worldwide everyday amusement. It works for you, we can tell. And clearly, Americans LOVE to have their butts probed. Look at the freaks they vote into political power. Proper use of the TX-2 BUTTPROBE can be infinitely more satisfying than watching Tucker Carlson mopping his ass-crack with your girlfriend's hair. Your girlfriend might like it too.

And speaking of politics! Ann Coulter is up your butt! Al Franken is up your butt! Can't you feel them wriggling around in there???!?!? It's NASTY! And I'm afraid to think where Bill O'Reilly might be wriggling around at this moment!!

Only 100 pieces of the TX-2 will be made. It's a limited issue. GET YOURS QUICKLY!! If the TX-1 demand is any guide, these things will sell FAST. Buy it or consider yourself a buttplug boy.

Touché Mr. Metasonix. Touché. I must agree. Americans do like to have their butts probed, and thus, I predict huge sales of the TX-2 Butt Probe. Mr. Metasonix, I highly recommend that you produce more than 100 pieces of the TX-2. And when you do, enjoy your millions, Mr. Metasonix. Enjoy.

Pigga Please!

New feature for you all. Sometimes what the media expects us to believe boggles the mind. So much so that the only suitable response is: pigga please!

• Syria and the PLO totally aren't killing innocent people in Lebanon
  
• Israel definitely does not torture people...definitely not
  
• 19 Saudi Arabian terrorists totally collapsed the Twin Towers AND attacked the Pentagon
• Ariel Sharon most definitely is not being murdered as we speak. No. way. He had a stroke
• And obviously, no one poisoned Yasser Arafat
• George W. Bush totally isn't having an affair with Condoleeza Rice. Nope. He sleeps with Laura Bush

Pigga Please!

The Notorious P.I.G.

Now, I need you, fair readers, to get into the zone for this next introduction. Imagine you're in a large concert hall - nothing special about it except a stage and the masses. The room's pungent smell is a little bit smoke and a little bit funk. But you don't mind, 'cause you know what's about to drop. Suddenly, the lights drop and the unmistakable sound of rising synth and keyboards fill the air. Think The Time. Think Parliament and Funkadelic. Think Cameo. Think James Brown. Yeah. That kind of intro.

With that in mind, fair readers, I must introduce my beloved new guest blogger.

THE ONE

THE ONLY

THE NOTORIOUS P.I.G.

Look for him to contribute to our new periodic feature....pigga please!

Life Changes on a Dime

You know, I invest quite a bit of time trying to discern the outcome of future events. Predicting the future is a subject that fascinates me, whether it be just speculative or by mystical means. Over the years I have found that as a result of my efforts I am sometimes right and sometimes wrong and mostly surprised. That is, I'm often able to figure out what will happen based upon how events unfold today. For example, George W. Bush's election to office was no surprise nor has the subsequent flow of events been any surprise. So, in that case, based on the current facts, I have been mostly right. I also believe I am mostly right that we are watching the decline of the American empire in real time.

I also believe that I will be living in Ottawa for at least a short while. About that I believe I am mostly right even though it is not what I would have chosen. I worry about the consequences of this move - both good and bad - and I hope that I don't have to sacrifice the different happinesses in my life in order to fulfill my general obligation to society in exchange for any gifts and opportunities I may have received.

However, there are times when the trajectory of events leaving me ignorant of what is about to come. Usually, this happens when something relates to me. All the signs can be there and looking back I realize I should have easily predicted the outcome, yet I won't even have an inkling of what is to happen until it runs right over me.

Life changes on a dime, even when you think you have everything all planned out and you're completely comfortable with it. It serves to remind us that no matter how structured our lives are, we must always leave room for uncertainty. The initial structure of things can remain intact, but the details must shift to make room for new events and new people.

Which brings me to the current Israeli Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon. Unfortunately, PM Sharon has suffered another stroke. My gut tells me that the prognosis isn't good, even though I hope he survives. I think he is an evil, evil, selfish man. He is shortsighted, brutal and vicious. However, suddenly and for whatever reasons he was determined to seek some sort of peace for Israel. Now, he has suffered two strokes and the conspiracy theorist in me is ringing all sorts of bells. The acting prime minister - Ehud Olmert - was due to join Sharon in his new party, Kadima. It is unclear that even if Sharon survives whether he will be able to return to politics. Now, Mr. Olmert is front and center and in charge of Israeli Affairs.

A little about Ehud Olmert, from Wikipedia:

Olmert's opponents both inside and outside of the Likud point to a long record of opportunism. In the 1970s he was connected to a libel scandal involving well-known Jerusalem businessmen, organized crime, and retired General Rechavam Ze'evi. This often forgotten affair, well documented in investigative journalist Aryeh Avneri's Ha'tvusa in 1992, was only the first in a number of shady misadventures in Olmert's career. During the run-up to the Ze'evi libel suit, Olmert allegedly requested funds from the Likud Treasury for his defense fund, although his lawyers were from his own law firm, which would effectively constitute bribery.

All accusations against Olmert were eventually settled out of court, a pattern that followed through his involvement in the Herzlia Marina construction investigation, and various others that never led to any definite conclusions, and therefore were dropped. What is today almost beyond debate was that during his terms as mayor Olmert hired numerous Likud activists and cronies to positions in the Jerusalem Municipality. As urban political scandals are often the result of pure hearsay, it is impossible to determine whether Olmert's appointments really damaged the city. However, numerous cases of illegal housing construction both by Arab and Jewish firms continued throughout Olmert's term, and the phenomenon has plagued the city to this day.

Just like prime figures in the American and Canadian governments, Ehud Olmert is a self-placating opportunist. If the facts of his past are any indication, he cares nor for the general well-being of the citizens of Israel, nor Jews in general. Like any other prominently placed government official, he has focused the bulk of his energy into lining his own pockets.

Now, it was suspicious in the first place that Sharon would have to leave Likud, of which he was a founding member, to form a new party just to continue on the road to a Palestinian state. Why wouldn't that total ass Netanyahu leave and form his own right-wing, hardliner party?

Suddenly, Sharon starts suffering strokes and people start talking about how overweight he is and how this course of events was inevitable. Really? It didn't seem that way to me. He seemed fine until he broke away and founded Kadima. On November 22, 2005, the Knesset is dissolved. On November 24, 2005, Sharon founds Kadima. Less than a month later, Sharon suffers a stroke. Now, he suffers a second stroke, one day before he is due to go in for an operation that will repair a hole in his heart.


Again:

Sharon, 77, is extremely overweight, but doctors checking him after his December 18 stroke found him otherwise in good health. Doctors said he would not suffer long-term effects from the first stroke, but they discovered a birth defect in his heart that apparently contributed to the stroke.

The catheterization procedure originally scheduled for Thursday afternoon was intended to close a small hole between the upper chambers of Sharon's heart. He was to have been put under general anesthesia during the operation, and his authority would have rested with Olmert for about three hours.

Without Sharon, it is unlikely that Kadima will win the Israeli elections in March. The current leader of the Likud party is Benjamin Netanyahu. Honestly, I don't have the energy right now to discuss why he is the worst possible choice for Israel, Jews and the world. However, I think that we should pay heed to the hints we receive as the facts continue to unfold and react accordingly. Let's not let them define the events for us.